Dear COVID…

Dear COVID,

You suck.

Seriously. You really really suck.

I’m not kidding. 

I hate you. I NEVER want to see you again.

F#@k you.

GET OUT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

*Kicking. Banging. Screaming*

Ok now that I got that little tantrum out of the way, let me talk to you like the grown-ass adult I am.

I don’t think anyone could have predicted how much COVID would impact the world nor the fact that it would still be around 2 years later. But here we are, COVID is still here and life must go on… it’s time to find a way to my new normal. 

COVID: My Life Before

Before COVID, my lupus was in remission so you were likely to find me constantly out and about (at least on my good days). I was going into the office for my 9-5 job. I was going grocery shopping and running errands. I had weekly date nights with my boyfriend Orlando (now fiancé) and on the weekends you could find us people watching at our favorite haunts from World of Beer and Bush Gardens to Tarpon Springs and John’s Pass or even visiting family.

COVID: My Life After

So as you can imagine, when COVID came along, as an immunosuppressed patient, life as I knew it, was completely over. I could no longer go into the office and socialize with my coworkers. I could no longer run errands at ease (not that I minded that all too much). Goodbye to my date nights with Orlando and our favorite haunts. Even spending time with family became problematic.

Gone was life as I knew it. That might sound dramatic but you have to understand that the problem wasn’t the loss of my “glamorous” and carefree lifestyle (though I’d be lying if that didn’t play a tiny part in it).

The real problem was the potential negative impact that COVID could have on my health. According to the Mayo Clinic, COVID has the potential to damage the lungs, heart, brain, and other organs of the body. In some adults and children, they can experience multisystem inflammatory syndrome (a condition where some organs and tissues become severely inflamed).

Do those heath problems sound familiar? They should because they pretty much describe the same health issues that can be caused by having lupus.

For someone who has been living with lupus for over a decade, many of my body’s organs have already been impacted and I have no interest in finding out what would happen to my body if lupus and COVID collided.

Being on immunosuppressants means that I’m more susceptible to catching COVID. Having lupus (and some other health issues) puts me at risk of having severe complications if I were to catch COVID.

Thus I’ve been avoiding COVID like the plague… literally.

“Accepting” COVID

Being diagnosed with lupus completely changed my life and it was something I never saw coming. So you’d think that maybe I learned the life lesson that at any point, your life can completely change. 

I thought I had. 

Turns out I had not.

If you’ve read my first blog post, What is the Lupus Loophole?, you’ll notice that I talk about how I had to find my “new normal” after being diagnosed with lupus. In some ways, being diagnosed with lupus is similar to how I’ve dealt with the fact that COVID is here (and possibly here to stay). 

Just like my diagnosis, I had to go through a series of stages until I could finally accept things as they were and move on.

COVID has been no different.

If you’ve ever taken an intro to psych course, you may remember Kübler-Ross’s stages of dealing with death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

COVID was the death of my old life and I’ve had to pass through all of these stages.

At first, I didn’t think COVID was going to be a big deal (denial). Anger once I realized things were getting worse and my life was changing just as I started to finally get my health under control. Then I started convincing myself that it wasn’t going to be for long and that I had to suck it up just for a little while (bargaining). Then onto sadness when I realized this wasn’t going away any time soon and that there was no end in sight (depression). And finally onto acceptance.

It’s time to accept that my life has been completely turned upside down and I just have to find my way to my new normal… again. 

Keeping You in the Loop

How has your life changed with COVID?
Whether you have lupus or not, I’d love to hear how you’ve dealt with COVID or how it’s impacted your life.

Leave a comment below or Contact Me.